


[Dream Log Entry 8/12/2018]

by Dream Log (gamerwoman3d)



Series: Kristen's Dream Log [1]
Category: The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
Genre: Doggy Style, dubcon, uncomfortable silence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 07:59:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18517249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gamerwoman3d/pseuds/Dream%20Log
Summary: This is the transcript of a dream had in August 2018, in which I dreamed I was mute/silent by choice in a society where there was no concept of sexual consent and bodily autonomy.  In order to have sex, Tom and I invent a rudimentary concept of consent to ensure mutual enjoyment in a community where a woman's enjoyment is of no consideration.





	[Dream Log Entry 8/12/2018]

I just had the weirdest lucid dream. I'm someone else. Tom, clean shaven with a younger face, wore light brown period clothing. He finds me among dusty stone pillars and stone archways of some fort or castle. Tom is hitting on me but I'm silent. (That's how I know its someone else BC I wouldn't be able to shut up.) Somehow he knows I have a communication issue on top of a consent issue, where my anxiety is so bad that I cannot consent to sex even if I want it more than anything in the world, because the way women are treated you're worthless if you want sex. So it's like the only options given us are rape or abstinence and sometimes abstinence is taken away as a choice. He won't take away the choice. We both want a third option where it hasn't been given. 

He knows I'm incapable of saying I want it. So instead he says "if you don't want it, just a take a step back. Just the smallest step backwards, [and I'll leave you alone]. I don't step back. He pushes on me shoulder to try to push me back a step, and I lean in. And that's the enthusiasm he was looking for.

The rest of it was he took me back to a room, ordered me to take off my clothes and lay face down on a bed. He put on a condom, and he didn't touch me, he didn't let any other skin touch except his cock in me, and he was so slow with it. I tried not to make any sound but I did, an occasional soft a, or tch. Because it was a society where wanting it was fatal to your autonomy, and so respect for autonomy became a kink. That's why there was only cock and no other touching - he didn't want to blur the line between the touch I wanted and the cock I wanted but wasn't allowed to touch. He didn't want to risk making me whimper and moan running his hands over me. He kept crooning words at me, words like "It's just a bit of cock. Nothing else. You're just getting a bit of cock, I'm taking a bit of your twat, you're just taking a bit of my cock. That's it." And I wanted it but I was emotional and maybe having an anxiety attack over it and I wept because I wanted it and I was getting it and I wasn't allowed to feel it and express it the way I felt about it, and he stopped when he saw me weep, and pulled out to the entrance. And he checked in on me. To make sure I still wanted it. He was so careful to not tell me how he felt, to not react at all... To not say it felt good or let me think his enjoyment was more important than mine. He tried to not even pant or grunt. And he told me to push back if I still wanted it so I did, but he kept going slow, stopping all together and expecting me to push back and do all the work because he was that adamant about not doing anything I didn't want and not giving me the tiniest scrap of cock that I didn't want. By not telling me it felt good he made sure I wasn't doing it for him or for what he wants- he was making sure i was doing what I wanted. He was turning himself into my fucktoy. And I buried my face in my arms and pushed back and fucked it as strong as I could and it still just wasn't enough for me without his thrusts to match and I whimpered and I called out into the pillows and beat my fist into one because I was so frustrated. And he started inching it in and out and I knew if he kept it up I'd come. "You like a bit of cock, it's okay. If you want to stop getting dicked tap your hand against the pillows." My hips started doing that slow roll thing when building up orgasm and I started having to cry out louder and louder. But you know I didn't tap out.


End file.
